Auntie Uta

1. Who am I?
As if anyone didn't already know. I am Don Adriano de Armado. Yes- you read correctly. That is "Don". Impressive, isn't it? I'm a favorite of the King of Navarre. As a most fearsome fighter and excellent poet, I'm around to show the lords a thing or two about manliness. The Old Spice guy learned his tricks from me. In addition to these enviable qualities, I am also a lover. Many ladies have swooned before me in the past, but now my heart belongs to the most beauteous maid, Jaquenetta.
2. Where am I?
I'm away from my country in Navarre.
3. What time is it?
It is time for me to focus on my studies to become even more godly. If only it weren't also time to settle down with a woman. I swear I'm really ready to do it this time. No more false promises and broken hearts. It's also time for the other women of the world to be let down, as my heart is taken. Sorry, ladies. Lastly it's about time I get rid of that pesky Costard once and for all.
4. What surrounds me?
The strange land and people of Navarre, as well as the overwhelming conflict in the air. I'm surrounded by lords I have to outdo, a King I have to impress, the guilt of being in love, a page always at my side, and the intoxicating passion for Jaquenetta.
5. What are my given circumstances?
I have promised to study three years with the duke, yet I must hereupon confess I am in love! I'm supposed to be instructing the men on the art of fighting, and study day and night. However there have proven to be distractions. I've also taken Costard as my prisoner, which is a bit of consolation.
6. What are my relationships?
King- even though he doesn't say it, I know I'm his favorite. I work very hard to impress him.
The Lords- All three are little girls compared to me. I don't understand why the King always chooses them for company (perhaps pity?), but I still try to keep on their good sides.
The Princess- I know I'm completely in love with Jaquenetta, but she is a hottie, and a man has needs.
Moth- Eh, he does what I tell him to. Sometimes I forget he's there.
Costard- Stupid swain! The worst part of Navarre. I'm only too happy to get him in trouble.
Jaquenetta- The sun, moon, stars, and all my existence! I'm sure I could never love again. I have only to live for her!
7. What do I want?
Respect from the court. I want everyone to be in awe of my strength and cleverness. Especially the King and Jaquenetta. I want Jaquenetta for my own! (Hear that, Costard?)
8. What is in the way of what I want?
The lords seem to be keeping me away from the King. I suspect they are spreading lies about me. I also suspect some racism in Navarre. The King also always seems oddly busy when I want to speak with him. As for Jaquenetta- Costard is in the way, and I fear she does not love me in return.
9. How will I get what I want?
I will show my extensive skills with language to impress everyone, and display my manliness. I'll do a little sucking up to the King by capturing Costard, and get him out of the way so I can get to Jaquenetta. I will profess my love to her and show off for her until she vows to be mine!
10. How will I know when I have what I want?
The King will proclaim that I'm his right hand man, and I'll wake up in bed next to Jaquenetta.